I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
