i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
