You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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