Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I want to fling myself into the sun
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
