I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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