i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
