I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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