I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Randomize
