I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
