If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
