Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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