I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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