paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
