Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I love having hate sex.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
