so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
