Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
