Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
this is an emotional support booty call
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize