so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
My feet surprised me
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
