Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I wish you could order shots online.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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