remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
