sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
