she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
