if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
