He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
