i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
