I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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