Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
