She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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