She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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