no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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