It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
