so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
