Screwed.edu
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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