We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You pole danced in your parka.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
