Me too!
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
