if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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