saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
