So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
