**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
