i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
