she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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