Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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