Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
