So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
