Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
