i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
