I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
