so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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