Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Drunk walkin through police station. America
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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