Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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