WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
