I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
