The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
