Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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