Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
this will be a night to untag.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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