im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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