i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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