yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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