I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
a search helicopter?!
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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