I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
