I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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