Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
