I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
