you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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