M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
