Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
