we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Randomize
