If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
