Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
