What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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